How long,
Has it been,
Like this,
I can’t remember,
I feel,
Like I’m swimming,
In an ocean,
That has no end,
Nor beginning,
Only,
The ocean,
Has turned,
Into a swamp,
Of brown mud,
I struggle,
Day to day,
To make any headway,
Because,
I’m tired,
Some say,
That’s an excuse,
And sail by,
I’m tired,
Due to the depression,
The black cloak,
That no-one ever sees,
I’m tired,
Of trying to fight,
Off the anxious thoughts,
That trespass,
My mind,
My vision,
Becomes obscured,
Blighted,
Negative thoughts,
I try to chase them away,
Only to fall,
Face first in the mud,
I can hear laughter,
Somewhere,
It’s getting closer,
I try to rise up,
Shake most of the mud,
And dirt off,
Before,
I try again,
At nights,
In the baren brown wasteland,
It’s sometimes peaceful,
I can imagine,
Frogs,
Croaking their merry song,
Crickets chirping,
But the reality,
It is not so sweet,
More of a nightmare,
At nights,
I struggle,
To sleep,
On the cold,
Muddy floor,
Trying not to think,
Trying to find,
Some harmony,
In my mind,
That will lull me to sleep,
I hear the laughter again,
It replays,
Over and over in my mind,
Like an evil spell,
Should I try harder,
To break,
From the shackles,
Of my mind?
Should,
I fight harder to survive,
In the brown wasteland?
A dozen times,
I will ask myself,
These question,
A dozen times,
I have answered them anew,
It is not enough,
It has never felt enough,
Like the wasteland wants more,
Needs more,
So I push on,
Unforgivingly,
I focus my mind,
On my goal,
I set my heart to stone,
I will find,
Those who laugh at me,
And prove them wrong,
I will find where they hide,
And tell them,
That I survived the worst,
Torment,
One could endure,
I will find a way,
Although,
I am lost,
There is no sense of direction here,
I will plough forward,
Making a path,
For myself and maybe others,
To follow,
I will find a way,
To banish,
The cloak of darkness,
To banish,
The anxious mind,
Forever
Heather's Blog 