You’ve arrived,
You’re here,
In my arms,
My little,
Baby,
After nine months,
And a gruelling labour,
You’re here,
I can start,
To become,
Mummy,
Despite,
My happiness,
My joy,
A violet,
Cloak surrounds me,
It’s just,
The baby blues,
I say,
It’s normal,
To be anxious,
With a newborn,
Everyone,
Has gone through it,
It will get better,
I say,
But it doesn’t,
Each day,
The violet,
Cloak,
Suffocates me,
With a persistent sadness,
I’ve no energy now,
I’ve no joy,
Like I’ve given it all to you,
When you entered this turbulent world,
I don’t sleep at night,
Due to my anxious thoughts,
I worry constantly,
I sometimes check on you,
While you sleep,
Just make sure,
That it’s not a dream,
You’re still here,
I feel sleepy during the day,
It’s normal,
They say,
It’s just a phase they say,
You’ll get sleep sometime,
They say,
It’s all a lie,
They don’t understand,
How it feels,
To withdraw,
From your friends,
Family,
And you’re newborn,
They don’t understand,
Why,
You find it difficult,
To bond with your baby,
I curse myself each day,
When I’ve done something wrong,
I should be doing better,
The violet cloak,
Brings doubt to my mind,
I can’t concentrate,
I end up making mistakes,
I lash out,
Due to my tiredness,
You’re growing,
Faster than I can blink,
Baby,
Please stay small,
I’ve missed so much,
Already,
Please, can we rewind time,
Just a little bit,
You’re growing,
But my patience isn’t,
It wears down and down,
Each day,
It is wire thin now,
On days I’m at my worse,
And then,
I think,
The violet cloak,
Makes me think,
Of horrible,
Things,
Things that I wouldn’t dream,
Of doing,
To anyone,
It makes me think,
Of hurting you,
Because you’ve pushed me,
Too far that day,
It makes me think,
Of pushing you away,
I don’t want to think,
Like that,
I’d rather harm myself,
Than you,
My beautiful baby,
I’m trying,
Each day,
To fight this violet cloak,
I’m trying,
Each day,
To be,
The best mum,
I’m trying,
I’m fighting,
Please,
Stay by my side,
Forever
Heather's Blog 