I like to think in life when you make a fresh start, you turn to a new page and start fresh whilst throwing away the rubbish. Today was the beginning of that fresh page that I have been needing for some time, the confidence workshop could not have been any better in my opinion, I’ve longed for so long fro someone to tell me in layman’s terms that there is a way to build your confidence and I’m going to show you how. The workshop has giving me an insight into myself and what I can do although I feel as though I could with a one on one session with the organiser just to iron out the edges (if you know what I mean). I also realised that my goal’s are so unattainable as I originally thought, there is a way to achieve them and I know how to get there but it’s not going to be an overnight fix. There is no way that I can achieve what I want to do in a fortnight, less than a year, maybe, I just need the confidence and the knowledge to keep that confidence. However saying that for the past while I’ve been feeling rather good, I remembered a very special moment I had forgotten (not on purpose of course) despite the fact that I still remember that night but that’s a different story. Anyway; I will be singing my name up for more of the course which I feel could benefit me. On a side note; I’ve linked my wordpress blog into my G+ account, so I am hoping it should appear shortly somewhere (lets hope so anyway). On another side; my old blog has reached 2,351 page views and my new blog has reached 8,399 page views. Once again a big thank you to all you nice people out there for continuing to visit both blogs.

I’ve finally gotten round to printing of more CV’s, not had a chance to see if I am with them or it but I suppose it’s best I don’t give myself that opportunity. Anyway; today we observed a two minute silence for those that have fought for us in the war, it is never an easy experience, its especially difficult if your outside waiting for a bus, I prefer to be in the comfort of fours walls so that I focus my thoughts but it has been done and now the soldiers can rest again knowing that we will never let their memory fade. The writing club was great as usual despite the fact that I got no feedback from my latest Screwtape letter but it isn’t going to bother me, I will post it here to let you nice people read it:

I would use another word for this post but the title will do for now. I suppose in way I have been doing homework but its mainly consisted of re-writing another Screwtape letter (I wrote a draft on Sunday) and also writing one of my random thought’s here for the writing club tomorrow. Plus, I have finally fixed my CV and I am hoping that I don’t find more holes in and that it is now suitable for employers to view. I wouldn’t say it was perfect but it is a million times better than when I first made my CV but that is a different story. On another note; my old blog has reached 2,351 page views and this blog has reached 8,356 page views (it looks like there has been traffic on both blogs)

Methinks today was possibly the most hardest Remembrance Day I’ve ever faced, why, mainly because Mike and myself attended church to see the organist but for me it was the memories of those I have lost over time and the memories that play in my head forever is what gets me every time however I will forever tip my hat to those that fought and have died for us in the countless war’s that have waged in our life time. Anyway; the hymn’s, the bridal march and the wedding march has all been sorted, now just to make an appointment to see Ken for the actual order for the service. Yesterday with Mike was super amazing and awesome. On a side note; my old blog has reached 2,351 page views and this blog has reached 8,349 page views. Once again a big thank you to all you nice people out there for visiting both blogs.

“The Hydra has slipped away into the darkness like a sly serpent but that still leaves the Minotaur to guard me in this endless labyrinth however no sound can be heard from that brute’s mouth, there is only silence, a calm silence which I will relish in before the Minotaur has a change to ruin it. The labyrinth seems different now almost like something has changed, the walls seem more hollow than before and there are streams of golden light from above, maybe that is why the Minotaur is hiding because it is afraid of the light. I embrace that golden light as I wonder towards Paradise again, despite my earlier worry, I smile easily now knowing that you will still hold that affectionate smile that traces your gentle lips just for me and you will hold me gently in your tender embrace once more”~ random thought

I was debating on doing some editing but I’m thinking I’m going to give myself ill next week before I start hacking away at the keyboard again. As for the title of this post; I feel rather chuffed with myself after having booked an appointment to see the wedding planner again as I have a lot of unanswered questions over the phone, usually I’m rather nervous but the politeness of the staff seems to ease those nerves. On another note; my old blog has reached 2,349 page views and this blog has reached 8,310 page views. Once again a big thank you to all you nice people out there for continuing to visit both blogs.

A strange title I know but I finally feel like I can unwind after a tiresome day. Today; I met with the work placement coordinator and I was surprised at how well the meeting went, although I will infinity curse myself for being nervous and frigidity (I was starting to get over that but never mind). I feel rather relaxed knowing that something is going to get organised however the NHS placement has had to be discarded for reason’s that I fully understand. To say I’m not disappointed would be a lie, I was looking forward to getting back there but there is nothing the work coordinator or I can do about it. There is a lot of competition for placement, so at the moment I am hoping luck continues to be on my side. The job centre were not to pleased about my delay yet they seemed satisfied that I did the right thing, if anyone figures that out, please let me know. Anyway; on Friday I’ve to go back to the work programme to get help with the more difficult parts of application forms, you know the one I’m on about, its the part where the employers asks you to write about yourself and what skills you can bring to the team, that part gets me every time, despite the fact that I’m a writer. Before I forget; the writing club was a welcome reward to all the chaos that has been going about and it was great to be back into the routine. On a general note; my old blog has gained a new visitor; this time from Poland, so a warm welcome to you nice person. On a side note; my old blog has reached 2,348 page views and this blog has reached 8,921 page views (there has been a jump in traffic here).

Chaotic somehow doesn’t seem to be the right word to describe today however not all of today has been chaos, just the latter part. I’ve applied for 3 jobs and I need to re-print my CV and send it to my new advisor at some point when I have their email address. Also paid the £260 for the use of the church for our wedding, only the beadle and the organist to pay, Mike and I will be going to pay the organist a visit on Sunday after the service (which should be interesting). I also need to get my brain in gear and fiddle with a few layouts for the order of service (but methinks that can wait. Tomorrow; I’ve got a meeting with the work placement coordinator and then I’ve to sign on but hopefully (if everything goes according to plan), I should be getting a placement. On a less chaotic note; my old blog has reached 2,347 page views and this blog has reached 8,28 page views. Once again a big thank you to all you nice people out there for continuing to visit both blogs.

Usually I would explain my absence but to be honest, I’ve got this idea for a random thought since Friday and I really need to write it down here, it will probably do more justice in explaining what has happened better than I can, also I should mention that my random thoughts are fictional.

“The Minotaur’s wounds have been healed, it now wakes with a menacing howl as it tries to give case, I run faster and faster through the labyrinth with no means of escape and soon I hit a dead end. In front of me there is a new beast, the beast who controls the Minotaur and my demons. A Hydra stands tall with its gruesome head, it’s fangs drip black ink and its scales give of a purple sheen. I stand in-between two monsters with only a blade in my hand. I charge towards the Hydra and cut its head with ease. The Minotaur has stopped in its path, laughing at me. Why does it stand there? What it is waiting for? The answer is clear as the Hydra is reborn with another two heads. I lash and lash at the beast and its black inky blood stains the stone floor. I keep lashing and more heads grow, by this time my hands are stained in black ink. There is more heads than body, I can’t escape. I try to run passed the Minotaur but it stands firm watching me drown in a sea of black ink. I am afraid, I panic, I’m losing control. With a howl, the Hydra lunges at me and I can smell its rancid breathe. I fall deeper and deeper into a dark oblivion, I’m drowning in my own creation. The sea of black ink stains my hands, my face and everything it touches. I begin to question what I am and who I have become but there is no answer, there is only the sound of dripping ink from my hands“~ random thought.

Now the explanation; I’m not sure what I can put here, probably just the short version, put it this way on Friday my complaint was resolved and I no longer need to look upon my advisor, I can move on. I can get the respect I deserve. I can finally get my placement, I might even get a job out of it with any luck. I am also going get confidence building skills which I really need after all this, to be honest I could have did without the mental breakdown but that’s out of my control (I must remember that). Basically in short; I am going to be busy this week. Although, I’ve still got a million things to do. Also, while I remember, I will apologise for no double post yesterday. Yesterday with Mike was really great despite the fact I had another breakdown (paranoia is a pain) but that is a different story. On another note; my old blog has reached 2,345 page views and this blog has reached 8,261 page views (there has been traffic on both blogs, I think)

The clue is in the title, today me and my mum went to Edinburgh to finally visit the Butterfly World which I will admit is a bit out the way but it was well worth the effort. On a side note; I can’t be bothered with the hassle of Triage tomorrow but the manager has been trying to contact me since yesterday about my complaint, well all I can say is that she can wait till I’m in tomorrow, another day won’t harm her, after all, patience is a virtue. Yesterday with Mike was really awesome and the meeting with the wedding planner went really well. On another note; my old blog has reached 2,345 page views and this blog has reached 8,222 page views (there has been a lot of traffic here).