Intoxicated,

Within,

The,

Blue-green,

Slime,

I view,

Myself,

As someone,

Who is,

Unappealing,

And can’t,

Hold a decent,

Conversation,

I fear,

Being rejected,

Humiliated,

And ridiculed,

By others,

I want,

To be able,

To have,

A small,

Circle,

Of those,

Who love,

Me,

I want to belong,

Yet,

If,

I’m with,

A group,

Of friends,

I get,

Incredibly,

Anxious,

Of the others,

Watching,

Trying,

To see,

Through,

The blue-green,

Slime,

Around me,

There are,

Sub-types,

For,

This order,

I have,

But,

The list,

Itself,

Seems,

Endless,

Like the ones,

In my head,

That tells,

Me not,

To get to close,

To someone,

In case,

They hurt me,

Or abandon me,

The GP,

Said,

There is help,

Out there,

For me,

But it,

Will take several,

Steps,

For me,

To become,

A lot,

Less isolated,

Within,

The slime,

Walls,

There,

Are three,

Kinds,

Of therapy,

They suggested,

Which will be,

Ideal,

They are,

Social skills training,

Cognitive therapy,

And group therapy,

The first,

And last,

Will be the hardest,

I hope,

The therapist,

Is someone,

I can,

Trust,

I don’t want,

To be doomed,

Into the,

Blue-green slime,

Forever

I am seen,

As needy,

Clingy,

But,

I’m scared,

Of being,

Alone,

Away,

From my,

Comfort,

Of home,

From being,

Away,

From Mum,

And Dad,

The lime wraps,

Around me so tight,

I can’t breathe,

I panic,

I cry,

Or scream,

I just want,

To be at home,

I want,

Mum and Dad,

To come,

And break,

Me out,

Of the lime,

Cocoon,

They said,

As I get older,

I’ll get better,

I’ll grow out of it,

But,

I’m at school,

Now,

I don’t want,

Mum and Dad,

To go,

It’s too hard,

To say goodbye,

I have to go,

Into school,

Early,

So I don’t distress,

The other children,

I don’t mean to,

I didn’t choose this,

The lime,

Encapsulated,

Me first,

They say,

It might just be,

A phase,

A transition,

From nursery,

To school,

But at home,

I need,

Extra cuddles,

Before bed,

Incase the lime,

Decides to take over,

During the night,

I managed,

To complete school,

High school,

College,

I’m older,

But the lime,

Remains,

I had therapy,

At school,

It helped,

But now,

I’m working,

In a relationship,

The lime,

Seems more,

And more suffocating,

Each day,

I tried to expose myself,

To different situations,

Most ended in panic,

Attacks,

The best,

Thing,

That works,

Is medication,

But it’s,

Not foolproof,

The lime,

Still constricts me,

On a bad day,

Draining everything,

The good days,

I cherish,

Because,

I’m free,

From,

The lime prison

My condition,

Is often,

Mistaken,

For,

Psychosis,

But,

It’s more,

Like,

Looking,

In a mirror,

And finding,

Emptiness,

The red-violet,

Shell,

Distorts,

Everything around me,

I feel,

Like,

My feelings,

Belong,

To someone else,

Yet,

They,

Exist in my body,

And mind,

I feel disconnected,

From those around me,

And even,

The world,

Around me,

I feel,

In a dream,

Like place,

Were time,

Keeps passing by,

But,

I’m not there,

In that moment,

I sometimes,

Get over anxious,

When,

The red-violet,

Shell,

Starts to break,

Revealing,

The cracks,

Underneath,

I feel,

Like,

I’m losing,

Control,

Of my mind,

And body,

I want,

To crawl,

Away,

And be alone,

So,

No-one,

Can watch,

Me suffer,

That’s when,

The depression,

Sets in,

So,

Strong,

And fierce,

I can’t escape it,

I managed,

To tear myself,

Away,

For a while,

From the red-violet,

Shell,

To go to the GP,

They said,

To try,

The medication,

First,

And if it doesn’t help,

Or makes things,

Worse,

I’ll be put on,

The waiting list,

For therapy,

I hope,

Both help,

So,

It will reduce,

The panic attacks,

And maybe,

Restore,

Me back,

To whatever,

I was before,

The red-violet,

Shell,

Became my,

Heaven,

And my Hell

In my world,
Stones,
Dirt,
And chalk,
All,
Sparkle,
Like,
Magenta,
Gems,
In a rockpool,
I have,
To explore,
Them,
To taste,
Them,
To find out,
If a big stone,
Will taste,
Worse or better,
Than a smaller,
One,
I’ve been,
Told not,
To do it,
Yet,
I can’t resist,
The,
Allure,
Trying,
To chew,
On paper,
To taste sand,
And mummy’s hair,
The nursey,
Don’t let me,
Chew things,
Either,
Encase,
I get hurt,
I know they,
Want to look,
After me,
I was supposed,
To stop,
When,
I was little,
Mummy said,
But sometimes,
I just,
Can’t stop myself,
Mum and Dad,
Got me things,
To chew on,
To help me,
Not try,
To pick up,
And eat things,
It works,
Some days,
More than others,
The magenta,
Calls me,
Over and over,
I’ve not ate,
Any bad stuff,
But the nursey,
Had to move,
The glue,
And paint away,
Mum and Dad,
Take things,
Away from me,
To,
I get upset,
But they tell,
Me it’s for,
The best,
We’re going,
To see,
The GP soon,
To get help,
And maybe,
Medication,
If the first,
Doesn’t work,
They say,
It will get better,
When,
I’m older,
It’s a phase,
I’ll stop in time,
Little,
Do they know,
Of the glistening,
Magenta,
That calls to me,
Everyday

At first,
I thought,
It was nothing,
But a habit,
Born,
From,
Either,
Boredom,
Or stress,
I was picking,
At the skin,
On fingers,
Round,
The clock,
Most would stare,
And say nothing,
Others,
Told me to stop,
But it never worked,
I couldn’t stop,
I was lost,
A thick,
Chartreuse,
Stew,
I didn’t see,
The cuts,
Or the bleeding,
I didn’t even,
Realise,
I was doing it,
When,
They stared,
It made,
The anxiety,
Ten times,
Worse,
The biting,
And picking,
Would resume,
Tenfold,
I tried,
To stop myself,
By keeping,
My hands busy,
Try to stop,
For longer periods,
Of time,
But,
When you’re,
In the,
Chartreuse,
Stew,
It’s not as easy,
To get out,
As one,
Might,
Think,
So,
I went,
To the GP,
Because,
More and more,
At work,
Were,
Growing,
Concerned,
About my wellbeing,
My family,
Was anxious to,
About how,
To help me,
Stop,
From causing,
Damage to my skin,
That didn’t heal,
As quick,
As the rest,
They are,
Trying the,
Medication,
First,
But,
I’ve asked,
If there is,
Another possible route,
To take,
And they,
Suggested,
Counseling,
I’ve been,
Refereed,
To the,
Dermatologist,
To see,
If the skin,
Is damaged,
Or if I have,
An underlying,
Skin condition,
Such,
As eczema,
Whatever,
The case may be,
I hope,
That,
This stew,
Won’t be so thick,
In the future

At first,

I was afraid,

To touch,

Mummy’s bump,

In case,

I hurt you,

In your cocoon,

But,

I got used it,

Now,

You’re here,

My precious,

Little boy,

I am,

You’re daddy,

Despite,

The smile,

On my lips,

I feel,

As though,

I wading,

In a maroon,

Syrup,

Each step,

I take,

Cautiously,

In case,

I drop you,

Or handle you,

The wrong way,

It’s normal,

To be anxious,

Like this,

I’ve never,

Been one,

For looking after,

Younger children,

But today,

I will start,

Afresh,

It will get,

Easier,

Over time,

They say,

I’ll get more,

Confident,

But I don’t,

The maroon syrup,

Drags,

Me further,

And deeper,

Than before,

I feel useless,

Because,

Mummy,

Does everything better,

Than me,

I love you dearly,

Though,

Because,

I worry,

I’ve had sleepless nights,

I still can’t believe,

You’re here sometimes,

You’re growing,

In ways,

I don’t understand,

You’re changing,

Into a little person,

I find it difficult,

To keep up,

With you,

I thought,

Wrong things,

And said worse,

Things,

I regret both,

I always say sorry,

But the heartache,

Is still there,

I’ve been giving,

The option,

Of tablets,

And they seem

To help,

But I find myself,

Drowsy,

I blink,

And you’ve changed again,

My wonderful,

Boy,

I’m fighting,

Through,

This maroon,

Syrup,

To be the best dad,

You could ask for,

Will bring,

A little sunshine,

To this place,

And guide me,

To happier times

A lot,

Of people,

Would argue,

That,

I’m lucky,

I’m able,

To fall asleep,

When I want,

But it’s not,

That simple,

My condition,

Means,

That I can,

Fall asleep,

During the day,

And it makes,

It difficult,

To work,

Or even,

Watch a film,

At home,

I’m,

Often,

Misjudged as lazy,

The worst part,

Is when,

The turquoise,

Smog,

Descends,

Without warning,

I can sometimes,

Sleep for a few,

Seconds,

But for others,

It can last,

Several minutes,

When,

It’s not under,

Control,

I can many,

Sleep attacks,

During the day,

I’ve had,

Cataplexy attacks,

Which means,

I lose control,

Of my muscles,

Such as my legs,

Collapsing,

These only,

Happen,

Once,

Or twice,

A year,

Others may experience,

Them much more,

Often,

Sometimes,

I’ve experienced,

The inability,

To move or speak,

Which,

Is terrifying,

My condition,

Causes,

Some other,

Symptoms,

To,

Such as,

Memory problems,

Hallucinations,

Restless sleep,

Hallucinations,

Depression,

Though,

There is no,

Cure for this,

Turquoise,

Smog,

The GP,

Recommended,

Having good,

Sleeping habits,

Such as,

Having,

The same,

Bedtime,

Routine,

There is,

Medication,

That I’m,

Now on,

To help control it,

But,

They warned,

Me,

The smog,

May still last,

Long term,

But at least,

Now,

Bit by bit,

I can,

Clear,

The smog away

My condition,

Used,

To be,

Under,

A different,

Name,

But,

They changed,

It to something else,

Which,

Sounds,

A lot,

Like how,

I live,

I feel,

As though,

There are two,

Parts,

Of me,

Sometimes more,

Each fighting,

For centre stage,

Sometimes,

When one,

Personality,

Comes,

Through,

There’s a rose,

Haze,

And I transform,

Into someone new,

By,

The time,

I’m back,

To being me,

I forget,

A lot of things,

And I feel,

Like,

I’ve lost,

A part of myself,

The other,

Parts,

Of my personality,

Don’t seem

To be aware,

That they are,

Sharing a space,

Inside my head,

And each,

Of them hold,

Specific memories,

And knowledge,

That I can never,

Seem,

To obtain,

I feel,

Like a stranger,

To myself,

And sometimes,

To those around,

Me,

Because,

They might,

Have met,

Another part,

Of me,

That I don’t recall,

In the peach haze,

I sometimes,

Behave out of character,

And I become,

Unpredictable,

So they say,

My hand-writing,

Can change,

Depending,

On what,

Personality,

Is in control,

At that moment,

I sometimes,

Refer to myself,

As we,

And I get strange,

Looks from those,

Close to me,

I’ve been,

Told,

That I’ll make,

A full recovery,

I just need,

Help,

From,

Counselling,

To ease out,

Of the worst,

But,

That’s ok,

I don’t want,

To be stuck,

In this alien,

Rose haze much longer

My condition,

Is not,

Just a simple,

Fear,

Of open,

Spaces,

I’m scared,

To travel,

Alone,

And sometimes,

Even,

Leave,

My own,

Home,

I’m scared,

To visit,

A shopping,

Centre,

Unless,

I’m with,

A friend,

Or someone,

I trust,

Despite,

The,

Azure,

Sky above me,

I don’t feel,

Calm,

The anxiety,

Is sometimes,

Paralysing,

The panic,

Attacks,

Are swift,

Dizzying,

And nauseous,

I can sometimes,

Think,

That I will,

Feel embarrassed,

If have a panic attack,

I feel,

Like I won’t be,

Able to escape,

Which,

Makes the panic,

Rise,

Even higher,

I feel,

Like,

I’m losing,

My sanity,

Piece,

By little,

Piece,

I feel,

Like,

I won’t be able,

To survive,

Without,

Anyone around me,

I sometimes,

Won’t leave,

The house,

For periods,

Of time,

I try,

To avoid,

Situations,

That can lead,

To panic attacks,

But I also,

Try and force myself,

To get out there,

But,

The fear,

And anxiety,

Still flutters,

In my chest,

I’ve tried,

The self-help,

Techniques,

And the help,

A little,

And sometimes,

Not at all,

The doctors,

Have recommended,

Some,

Therapy,

I’ll take,

It with open arms,

I want to be able,

To look,

Up at,

The azure,

Sky,

And feel calm,

Instead,

Of like,

I’m drowning,

Over,

And,

Over again