Indigo (ADD) {Attention deficit disorder}

I’m the one,

Who sits,

Quietly,

And not,

Make a sound,

I’m sometimes,

Forgotten,

And,

I am,

One of,

Those people,

That on,

The outside,

There is nothing,

Wrong,

But,

The inside,

Tells,

A different,

Tale,

In the cover,

Of my indigo,

World,

I am,

Seen as lazy,

Unfocused,

And sometimes,

A failure,

To my peers,

Simply,

Because,

I complete,

A task,

Slower,

Or later,

Than the others,

I can,

Become,

Bored,

Or disinterested,

In something,

More quickly,

Than the others,

I often,

Daydream,

Of somewhere,

Far away,

From,

These burdensome,

Tasks,

I often,

Forget,

That I am,

Daydreaming,

Because,

Under my cover,

The indigo,

Mutes all,

Of the outside world,

Yet,

I’m the one,

Who receives,

Bullying,

I get accused,

That my work,

Is sloppy,

Incomplete,

Disorganised,

And I should,

Try harder,

Next time,

Only,

Next time,

Will bear,

The same results,

I tend to lose,

Things,

Because I forget,

Where I left them,

In the first place,

The only,

Treatment,

Is either,

Medication,

Or,

Something

Called,

Behaviour intervention plan,

Where it helps,

Me to adapt,

To certain situations,

I’ve under,

This indigo,

Cover for so long,

That I don’t know,

What the future holds,

But I hope,

That whatever works,

In the end,

The bullies,

Will back away,

And my peers,

Will have a little,

More respect,

For me

Silver (Dementia)

I wish,
It was just,
My memory,
That’s going,
I wish,
It was just,
Old age,
But it’s much,
More,
Than that,
I live,
In world,
Of silver,
Dull,
And unending,
I am slow,
To think,
Slow to act,
I’ve accused,
People wrongly,
I’ve worried,
Anxiously,
Over little things,
I’m afraid,
To go out,
Encase,
I fall,
Again,
So,
I shelter,
Myself,
In this silver,
Web,
For comfort,
I need assistance,
Going,
To the dentist,
The doctor,
And even the hairdresser,
I need someone,
To make,
Those appointments,
For me,
But,
I want to independent,
I can stand,
On my own,
Two feet,
If I only,
I could remember,
How not,
To trip up,
If only,
I could remember,
How I got,
That bruise,
On my arm,
Last week,
I repeat,
Myself a lot,
But I don’t,
Realise,
I get confused,
When,
My family,
Gets angry at me,
I don’t want,
To go to the doctors,
The problem,
Will go away,
The silver web,
Will disappear,
On its own,
No-one needs,
To interfere,
I’ll be able,
To go out,
Again soon,
Start seeing,
Old friends,
Will I remember,
Their names?
Will I remember,
The first time,
We met?
Will I remember,
The good days?
The world,
Is going by too fast,
I’m getting old,
And slow,
I need my family,
To be patient,
With me,
As I was with them,
I’m not young,
Anymore,
This web,
Is not natural,
By any means,
I can feel,
It draining parts,
Of me each day,
And each day,
Another face,
Fades away,
Into the web,
Where I can,
No longer reach

Red (PTSD)

I’m not,

A soldier,

I’m,

Just like,

Everyone else,

Normal,

Until,

One night,

That’s all it took,

One night,

I was out,

With,

A couple,

Of mates,

Just having,

A walk

Around,

The town,

Not drunk,

No drugs,

Just,

Happy,

And,

One of them,

Said,

They were going,

To jump,

Of the bridge,

We all laughed,

And headed home,

I turned around,

To see,

If you just,

Blurted it,

Out,

Not being serious,

No,

You jumped,

I screamed,

Everyone else,

Saw you were gone,

Your body,

On ground,

Crushed,

Bloody,

Red,

It was cold,

That night,

When the police came,

The flashbacks,

Come in waves,

Of red ocean,

Relentless,

And untameable,

They said,

It would get,

Better,

After a while,

As they placed,

The blanket,

Round my shoulders,

But the nightmares,

Comes,

Red,

Flashes,

Making me feel,

Sick,

Every year,

My mates,

Go to the bridge,

I can’t,

I’ve numbed,

The pain,

I don’t want,

To remember,

Now,

They’ve fallen out,

With me,

I’m isolated,

In my world,

Of endless red,

I’m on edge,

Irritable,

I get angry,

I say things,

I don’t mean,

They put me,

On medication,

And therapy,

To ease,

The pain,

To hopefully,

Make me,

Better,

I’m not,

A soldier,

But I face,

A red hell,

Everyday

Yellow (Autism)

Nothing,

Gets me,

Down,

I’m always,

Happy,

Smiling,

At everyone,

I meet,

Yet,

People,

Seem,

To turn away,

From me,

As I greet,

Them,

Alienating me,

I can’t communicate,

Like everyone else,

I can only use simple,

Singular,

Words,

To make my life easier,

They don’t understand,

What it’s like,

Living,

Inside,

A yellow bubble,

Feeling rays of sunshine,

That makes you smile,

Yet,

The outside world,

Is confusing,

Busy,

It’s puzzling,

At times,

When people,

Shout my name,

And I don’t answer,

I’m busy,

Trying to understand,

This bright yellow bubble,

I live in,

Because everything is different,

Even something simple,

Like a party,

Can cause,

Me to be anxious,

Frightened by,

The loud noises,

Confused,

At the bustling bodies,

Dancing,

To the beat,

Of the music,

Their dancing,

Watching me,

I avoid eye contact,

In this seemingly,

Happy yellow world,

I like to be alone,

I prefer,

To play with my toys,

My way,

Not anyone else’s,

I don’t like change,

Any change at all,

Causes me to be scared,

Confused,

Lost,

I want to escape back,

To my happy,

And safe,

Place,

I usually,

Want to,

Flick my fingers,

In order,

To cope,

Other times,

It’s just habit,

I’m in this yellow,

Bubble,

For life,

There’s no freedom here,

Yet,

I’m still happy,

All,

I can wish for,

Is that the world,

Stops changing,

And takes it slow,

So,

I can adapt,

All,

I can ask,

Is that someone,

Anyone,

To be there,

For me,

At the end of the day,

To guide me,

Through life,

To help,

Me,

Solve,

The unsolvable puzzle,

Of the yellow bubble

Orange (ADHD)

No-one,

Understands,

No-one,

Gets me,

I’m alone,

In this world,

I’m constantly,

Fighting it,

Yet,

I’m only,

A child,

I’m still,

Learning,

Right from wrong,

Yet,

In my world,

My mind,

Is ablaze,

With orange lights,

Flashing on,

And off,

I can’t sit still,

I’m fidgety,

The teachers say,

I’m out of control,

I don’t pay attention,

They don’t pay attention to me,

When I say I’m bored,

I’m not stimulated enough,

The lights in my head,

Are flashing,

Telling me,

That I need more engagement,

The teachers say,

My behavior,

Is all over the place,

Because I can’t do,

Certain tasks they ask me,

Or lose things,

Others have said,

I’m forgetful,

But I feel,

I’m on the go,

All the time,

Talking,

Excessively,

About my day,

My problems,

And no-one listens,

I make simple mistakes,

Yet,

I am shouted at,

When others are not,

Is it any wonder,

They question,

My outbursts,

They say,

My mummy,

Can’t cope,

But I think,

She’s doing great,

Of course,

She’s stressed at times,

And shouts,

When I’ve been naughty,

But,

How do I explain,

These lights,

To the one person,

I idolize,

More than anything in the world,

It’s in my genetics’,

Mummy told me,

So,

I’m waiting,

On help,

On someone,

Being able,

To understand,

The lights,

In my head,

The bright neon orange,

Glow,

Of chaos,

Until then,

I wish,

Every night,

I had more,

Than mummy,

To talk to,

I wish,

That someday,

Maybe the orange lights,

Won’t be so bright,

Someday,

They won’t flash so much,

Someday,

I’ll prove,

What they said is wrong

Violet (Post-natal Depression)

You’ve arrived,

You’re here,

In my arms,

My little,

Baby,

After nine months,

And a gruelling labour,

You’re here,

I can start,

To become,

Mummy,

Despite,

My happiness,

My joy,

A violet,

Cloak surrounds me,

It’s just,

The baby blues,

I say,

It’s normal,

To be anxious,

With a newborn,

Everyone,

Has gone through it,

It will get better,

I say,

But it doesn’t,

Each day,

The violet,

Cloak,

Suffocates me,

With a persistent sadness,

I’ve no energy now,

I’ve no joy,

Like I’ve given it all to you,

When you entered this turbulent world,

I don’t sleep at night,

Due to my anxious thoughts,

I worry constantly,

I sometimes check on you,

While you sleep,

Just make sure,

That it’s not a dream,

You’re still here,

I feel sleepy during the day,

It’s normal,

They say,

It’s just a phase they say,

You’ll get sleep sometime,

They say,

It’s all a lie,

They don’t understand,

How it feels,

To withdraw,

From your friends,

Family,

And you’re newborn,

They don’t understand,

Why,

You find it difficult,

To bond with your baby,

I curse myself each day,

When I’ve done something wrong,

I should be doing better,

The violet cloak,

Brings doubt to my mind,

I can’t concentrate,

I end up making mistakes,

I lash out,

Due to my tiredness,

You’re growing,

Faster than I can blink,

Baby,

Please stay small,

I’ve missed so much,

Already,

Please, can we rewind time,

Just a little bit,

You’re growing,

But my patience isn’t,

It wears down and down,

Each day,

It is wire thin now,

On days I’m at my worse,

And then,

I think,

The violet cloak,

Makes me think,

Of horrible,

Things,

Things that I wouldn’t dream,

Of doing,

To anyone,

It makes me think,

Of hurting you,

Because you’ve pushed me,

Too far that day,

It makes me think,

Of pushing you away,

I don’t want to think,

Like that,

I’d rather harm myself,

Than you,

My beautiful baby,

I’m trying,

Each day,

To fight this violet cloak,

I’m trying,

Each day,

To be,

The best mum,

I’m trying,

I’m fighting,

Please,

Stay by my side,

Forever

Pink (Pre-Natal Depression)

Once,

There was,

A time,

I felt,

Joy,

Where,

I was happy,

About the fact,

I was going to become,

A mother,

I was excited,

To learn,

If you were,

A boy or a girl,

Now,

Everything has changed,

I’m floating,

Among pink clouds,

Numb,

Disconnected,

From the world around me,

I question,

Myself,

Everyday,

If I will,

Ever be able,

To bond with you,

Once you’ve arrived,

I can’t concentrate,

On the words,

Coming,

From the nurses,

In the hospital,

Letting me,

That you’re doing fine,

I forget,

Those words,

And ask you’re daddy,

What the said,

The moment after,

We’ve left,

I can’t sleep,

Not because,

I’m uncomfortable,

Because my mind,

Spins,

Around and around,

With questions,

That have no answers,

The pink clouds,

May seem calming,

But they are a torment,

To me,

It makes me irritable,

I snap,

When I don’t want to,

Because,

Baby,

I just want to love you,

I feel fatigued,

Because I’m not,

Getting enough sleep,

On the opposite side,

I want to eat,

You’re hungry,

Baby,

That I understand,

I’m eating for two,

Yet,

I dread,

What will come next,

Will I gain more weight?

Will you be alright,

With this obsessive eating?

Will you look,

Into my eyes,

The moment,

You’re born with love,

Or hate?

I have failed you,

Baby,

I want to be a good mum,

For you,

I’m trying to hard,

To be happy,

Baby,

For you,

But all I feel is sadness,

Every waking moment,

I’ve thought,

More than,

Once,

I can’t do this,

I don’t want to be here,

I don’t deserve,

To hold you,

To call you,

Baby,

Or by any name,

We decided,

I’m scared,

Baby,

I want your life,

To be better,

Than this,

I want you to smile,

And call me,

Mum,

One day,

I yearn,

To be free,

From these,

Soft pink clouds,

Baby,

I will try,

For you,

I will do anything

Brown (Male Depression and Anxiety)

How long,

Has it been,

Like this,

I can’t remember,

I feel,

Like I’m swimming,

In an ocean,

That has no end,

Nor beginning,

Only,

The ocean,

Has turned,

Into a swamp,

Of brown mud,

I struggle,

Day to day,

To make any headway,

Because,

I’m tired,

Some say,

That’s an excuse,

And sail by,

I’m tired,

Due to the depression,

The black cloak,

That no-one ever sees,

I’m tired,

Of trying to fight,

Off the anxious thoughts,

That trespass,

My mind,

My vision,

Becomes obscured,

Blighted,

Negative thoughts,

I try to chase them away,

Only to fall,

Face first in the mud,

I can hear laughter,

Somewhere,

It’s getting closer,

I try to rise up,

Shake most of the mud,

And dirt off,

Before,

I try again,

At nights,

In the baren brown wasteland,

It’s sometimes peaceful,

I can imagine,

Frogs,

Croaking their merry song,

Crickets chirping,

But the reality,

It is not so sweet,

More of a nightmare,

At nights,

I struggle,

To sleep,

On the cold,

Muddy floor,

Trying not to think,

Trying to find,

Some harmony,

In my mind,

That will lull me to sleep,

I hear the laughter again,

It replays,

Over and over in my mind,

Like an evil spell,

Should I try harder,

To break,

From the shackles,

Of my mind?

Should,

I fight harder to survive,

In the brown wasteland?

A dozen times,

I will ask myself,

These question,

A dozen times,

I have answered them anew,

It is not enough,

It has never felt enough,

Like the wasteland wants more,

Needs more,

So I push on,

Unforgivingly,

I focus my mind,

On my goal,

I set my heart to stone,

I will find,

Those who laugh at me,

And prove them wrong,

I will find where they hide,

And tell them,

That I survived the worst,

Torment,

One could endure,

I will find a way,

Although,

I am lost,

There is no sense of direction here,

I will plough forward,

Making a path,

For myself and maybe others,

To follow,

I will find a way,

To banish,

The cloak of darkness,

To banish,

The anxious mind,

Forever

Blue (Male Anxiety)

The sea,

Calming,

Blue,

Daunting,

Unmeasurable,

I find myself,

Drawn,

To its vastness,

To the deepness,

That no man,

Or machine can reach,

I come here,

In the mornings,

When the Sun,

Is touching the horizon,

It’s beautiful,

Peaceful,

Yet,

My mind,

Is the complete opposite,

I worry,

Excessively,

About small things,

That then turn,

To larger things,

And the waves in my mind,

Grow larger,

And larger,

I’m self-conscious,

As I watch the sea,

Swaying,

Back and forth,

In a hypnotic motion,

I feel everyone stares,

At me,

Making jokes behind my back,

About my body image,

I’ve always been slim legged,

But when you get called names,

You start to wonder,

If there is anything,

You can do,

To make them stop,

I fear,

That one day,

Someone,

Will say something,

That will cause me,

To throw myself,

Far into the deep blue sea,

My stomach can be in knots,

When I’m out and about,

I feel tense,

Even stressed a little,

My mind wonders,

To negative,

Thoughts,

To possibilities,

That will never come true,

But the question,

What if,

Comes up,

Time and time again,

I never have an answer,

I let the blue waves,

Roll over and over,

Crashing down,

On me with full force,

I try to fight back,

Sometimes,

I win,

Others,

I lose,

I don’t sleep much,

Due to my thoughts,

Popping up,

When I don’t want them there,

I watch the sea,

Again,

Wishing,

My mind knew,

Peace,

Wishing,

Someday,

The blue vial,

Will shift,

And I will get to enjoy,

Being out with friends more,

And be able to relax,

Instead of fearing,

The worst,

One day,

Someday,

I will win,

My fight,

Against the raging,

Sea of my mind

Purple (Male Depression)

I am swamped,

By a haze,

That no one else,

Can see,

No one else,

Knows about the crushing weight,

I feel,

Under this cloak of darkness,

My world is a mask,

Of darkness,

With purple tints,

It’s lonely here,

I feel hollow,

Cold,

Numb,

There used to be a time,

Where light,

And happiness,

Filled my world,

Now,

There is a constant,

Emptiness,

Where the pureness,

Of life used to be,

My purple mask obscures,

The reality of life,

Glass half full,

Glass half empty,

Attitude,

Living,

In a world,

Full of shadows,

That are neither good,

Or bad,

They don’t phase me anymore,

Yet,

Some days,

I recede,

Into myself,

Closing myself off,

To those around me,

Especially those,

Closest to me,

I want to care,

I want to feel happy,

I want to feel the sun,

On my face,

I am stuck in,

An endless cycle,

Of trailing,

My cloak,

Of darkness,

Around with me,

No matter where I go,

I want to reach out,

I want someone,

To understand,

I want someone,

To feel what I do,

But this journey,

Is one I must take alone,

So,

I walk on,

In the endless queue,

Called life,

There is no going back,

There is no going forward,

No-one around me,

Wants to listen,

Like they are numb,

To my existence,

The queue,

Inches forward,

I drag my heels,

And then,

I am back,

To the staring,

Holes,

Into the back of people’s head,

Questioning myself,

Questioning why I am here,

The purple haze thickens,

The cloak descends,

I wait my turn,

I wait,

Endlessly,

And some part of me screams,

To get better,

To hope,

That good will return,

That happiness can be achieved,

But I will wait,

To find out,

What waits for me,

On the end of this journey,

In life